Middle School Blues, Whites, Greens, Purples, and Blacks

I'm having some trouble keeping on with Hasana's favorite colors.  She seems to have committed to black.  Yes, black has been around for nearly nine months now.  It's her way to express herself, since she fancies herself a hip-hop-pop Goth, if there is such a thing. Well, I guess there must be since that is what she is. 

Hasana is embarking upon her fifth month of middle school, and it hasn't been easy.  The transition I mean.  No warning, just told-- well it is different.  It is drastically, hugely, crazy different for any child, I mean pre-teen, but more so for a child with attention challenges.  Different classes with their own special rooms, special books, special papers and not to leave out special homework.  I can barely keep up with all. 

Homework has been a particular challenge for us this year, but I think we're on top of it now--thanks to Hass's homeroom teacher as well as others committed to her success in school. Her teacher designed a checklist for her and we offer incentives at home for homework brought home, completed, and turned-in.  You know it's a three-step process.  It seems to be working.  The challenge is exacerbated by her newly discovered jockhood--no she isn't a tomboy like i was, she's a bit of a jock.  I like it and she enjoys being good at sports.  It helps her find her place in her newer school. One that pre-teens and teens long for until adulthood, and even afterwards.  After all, don't we all want a place, an identity--it makes us feel a part of something and I home.  She's finding that, and I'm so happy for her.

Besides, success is a boost to the self-esteem and the more success our children, especially our girls, have the better their self-esteem which is critical when the boys start hanging around.

Blended Families

Is there such a thing? Hasana is on her yearly jaunt with her biodaddy (my ex-husband) for a portion of the holiday. This means she has to endure time with someone, who, till this day, has never uttered a positive word about her, at least to me.


Thank God his sister now has an abode near by. I don’t totally feel the need to have my “ready bag” at the door in preparation for extricating my daughter from a hostile environment. Hasana was in good spirits when I spoke with her. She’s such a sweet and loving girl. She’s not a shrinking violet and no angel either. I can’t wait until she’s home in my arms again. Until then, I will hold steady, with faith at my door instead of a “ready bag.”

Introducing: Trey

For the past year or so, my blogs have been about my daughter Hasana with guest appeareances by Trey.   From now on and in 2011, I'll also post about my son Trey.  He's now six years old, and has some stories of his own.

Morning Mania Returns!



The dopamine pathways in mania

We had a pretty rough morning and it’s been getting increasingly rough. Now Hasanna has soccer practice everyday after school and soccer games. Sometimes, when she gets home it’s as late as 8 p.m. Not only does she need to remember the normal things like homework, but now she must remember her soccer and gym gear. I know it’s challenging for her and its driving Hubby boo and I completely mad as she runs arounds the house each morning searching for this and that making her room even more of a mess and the clean up darn near impossible before catching a 7:30 school bus.

I’ve updated her night time check list and Hubby boo is drawing up a room cleaning diagram. He’s sectioning her room off into five cleaning zones:

Zone 1: Dresser with the mirror (on top and under)

Zone 2: Trash can and hamper area

Zone 3: Desk (on top and under)

Zone 4: Bed (on top and under) and

Zone 5: Closet

We’re hoping this allows for easier cleaning. Her room is a mess and we know as adolescence approaches it gets worse. We thought we’d be proactive now taking our last stance before giving up the territory completely.

Academically and socially, she’s doing very well. So that’s a blessing. She’s stop taking her B vitamins. We’re starting them back up in hopes that it can improve her focus and lessen the Hasanamania!

MORE INFORMATION:

The dopamine pathways in mania

Dopamine is transmitted via three major pathways in the brain. In mania there is an increase in dopamine transmission from the substantia nigra to the neostriatum which is associated with increased sensory stimuli and movement. Dopamine activity in the other two pathways, from the ventral tegmentum and the tubero-infundibular, remains unchanged in mania compared with a non-diseased brain

Even More On Token Systems

I noticed, after re-reading my post,that I didn't include Hasana's reward for completing her afternoon and evening duties.  For the afternoon she earned one chip for bringing her homework sheets,  and another for completing homework and putting it in her book bag (and placing the bag at the door). For the evening routine, she earned one to two chips. One for getting her clothes ready for the next day, and another for having the things she needed for the next day at the door. 

Since behavior (and completing tasks) at school was our primary target, Hasana earned the most chips for doing well in school.  The others were important, but not as important. 

We gradually phased in this system beginning with behavior/tasks completion at school and leading to others as we identified the problem and need.  We also gradually phased out the system.  When Hasana was in the habit of getting her clothes together the night before, she no longer needed an incentive--likewise for homework.  We continued with the school behavior reward system for a while until,in the beginning of fifth grade,she decided she no longer needed them

She almost always earned a chip for something. We wanted to make sure that we applauded her effort even if she hadn't quite completed the task.  Sometimes the homework was difficult and she couldn't complete it.  She earned a chip for her visible effort.   During each part of the day, she could ask for help--when she really needed it.  Also, on some evenings she had difficulty getting her things together. If she asked and visibly needed help, she got it and was still praised for her effort.  She did not receive a chip if I had to complete a task for her, but I did praise her for her effort and listened to her frustrations.

More on Token Systems

Let me first apologize for not posting the second part of this entry in a week like I said I would. I know some of you were interested in getting more information. With that said, more on token systems:

School

     Hasana’s third and fourth grade teacher devised his own, very effective I might add, behavior modification system. His student’s behavior was rated on a scale which he equated to a letter-grade system for the benefit of the parents. Out of this World was an A+, New Day a C—you get the idea. He was careful not to assign negative names to any term, although he explained to parents in detail what each meant.

     Upon returning home from school, we’d look at Hasana’s homework sheet to learn what her behavior grade. She could earn up to three chips for school: one for a B, two for an A, and three for an A+. We modified it for the fourth grade when a new designation A++ or In the Clouds joined the list. She could earn four chips for In the Clouds and we added a disincentive for a grade below a C—one chip was taken away.

After-school

     Hasana’s after-school schedule was posted on the refrigerator. This made it easier for all of us. She knew what was expected and I no longer needed to repeat directions four and five times. She had a snack, did homework (with an expectation that she bring home all necessary books and homework sheets), practiced guitar, and ate. She received chips for a short time for completing her homework. We largely used praise and she earned valuable television and/or computer time for bringing homework assignments home and completing them.

Evening

     The evening schedule was posted in her room and on the refrigerator. After dinner, she was expected to prepare for the next day which included taking out her clothes along with underwear, socks, and shoes. It also meant putting her belt through the loops of her pants avoiding using 15 precious morning minutes to loop her belt. She also needed to make sure her homework was in her bag and that any permission slips, money for trips etc. be taken care of the night before.

     In the morning, Hubby boo and I were adamant about not signing correspondence, searching for a particular clothing item, or giving money for trips allowing her to experience the natural consequences resulting from her inaction. Evening preparation made the morning routine easier for all us. It was marked by manageable frenzy and less frustration.

Now, Hasana earns privileges or has them removed based on the nature of the event requiring a consequence. As she gets older, we’ll have to change things up again. We’ve learned we must be flexible. Some rules are negotiable, other’s are not. For now, things are working pretty well.

To be Young, Gifted, Black, and Fabulous aka Growing Up Girl

To be a pre-adolescent/adolescent female is challenging to say the least. To be an African-American girl within a private school setting is even more challenging and, to be all of these and have ADHD with concurrent medical conditions, well let’s just say it’s really challenging. I commend Hasana so much for her resiliency, confidence, courage, and steadfastness.

I’m sure I’ve been walking around with undiagnosed ADHD and other “conditions” to boot. I’ve just learned how to compensate for those things for which I know are my challenges. I know what they are, but not why they are. My parents weren’t aware of all the fancy testing, brain mapping, and other detailed evaluations that were available that could have explained my obvious lack of self-control, sequencing difficulties, moderate depression, rage, and other behavior and learning challenges. Hubby boo and I, however in this age of “parenting” and access to information, have done many of these “evaluations” for Hasana so we could become more effective parents. Yes, I’m sure she’d figure it out without her parents as many of us have, but we decided it wouldn’t hurt for her to get a head start.

I say all of this to say, Hasana and I are embarking on trying times. I say “we” because as an adolescent girl, I know she’s going to go through it and that as her mother, I will share her pain. Recently, Hasana showed me a Google chat moderated by a girl she thought was a friend. The chat ended up being hurtful to Hasana as well as some of her other friends. Upon consulting some of my friends and professionals, they confirmed what I already knew, but was reluctant to face. This is only the beginning.

I remember how difficult it was being 11 and those ensuing years. I remember how mean some girls were, how some boys egged them on, and how their actions made me feel. Oh sure, I developed coping/defense mechanisms, and yes, they proved to be effective for the time being. However, these defense mechanisms did not serve me well as I entered young adulthood. They prevented me from trusting people and hindered my ability to have substantive relationships, especially with women. I was rarely able to be vulnerable. Some may say it’s great to be invulnerable. I, however, learned that for me, my ability to be vulnerable was a critical step in my development. It took a while for me to dismantle these walls. Heck, I hadn’t realized I had them up. I thought they were a part of me, not a construction for self-protection. Pledging helped. I mean, when you’re on line, you’re pretty darn vulnerable (thanks Sands, roomies, and those of you who took time with me).

I know Hasana will develop these same defense mechanism and am all for it. Self-protection/preservation is the very base of our existence or at least that’s what Darwin would have us believe. However, when these defense mechanisms move from self-protection to isolation, withdrawal, subjugation or suppression, there is cause for concern.

Throughout this ordeal, I feared Hasana might show indications of the previous. I didn’t want my daughter to feel like she needed to be someone else other than herself to fit in. Well, I tell you, homegirl quickly identified who was a friend and who wasn’t. She didn’t take the actions of a few to represent the actions of the many. She saw it for what it was, and in the process, Mommy learned a lot about her daughter and more about those defense mechanisms Mommy has yet to dismantle. Thanks Hasana!

P.S.  More on token systems next time.